When It Isn't Like It Should Be
by O'Reilly9
Summary: Nick McCullers is so desperate to help his daughter, Paige, crippled in a swimming accident that despite is own personal demons towards the situation, he turns to Rosewood Community Hospital's physical therapist, Emily Fields.
1. To Wish Impossible Things

_"I've seen enough now to know that beautiful things don't always stay that way."_

* * *

Nick McCullers took a deep breath as he stood outside the Physical Therapy department of Rosewood Community Hospital. He knew this was going to be difficult, but he had no choice. After his wife's death, he had not been the greatest father. There were a lot of things he wished he could take back or change. But the past was the past and he couldn't do anything about it. Right now his daughter was suffering and he had to make sure Paige received the best care.

He closed his eyes as memories haunted him of the night he and had gotten that phone call.

Paige had went away to Michigan State for college and been practicing late one night when the diving board had somehow happened to come loose. Paige shattered her hip and tore her ACL and MCL when she collided with the side of the pool. As a result she had no feeling in her left leg. Paige had undergone three surgeries and still she had no control over her useless limb. Nick fought back his anger as he thought of how much his daughter had lost due to this. Paige was becoming almost as embittered as himself. She had given up and spent all of her time in her room.

Nick knew that part of it was still the pain from her breakup with Emily after graduation. Emily had then promptly left town and attended University of Southern California, surprising everyone with her choice of a career.

Paige had been so bitter and devastated that she too surprised everyone and turned down a full scholarship to Penn State and went to swim for Michigan State instead. Paige had jumped at the chance to get away from the memories of Emily and all hell they had went through there.

Things had gone so well until four weeks ago. In any case, the incident had left her in a wheelchair. The break had torn muscles and destroyed nerves. The doctors had performed painstaking surgery after surgery and finally had repaired Paige's leg to the best of their ability. The last surgeon had told Paige that she would need daily physical therapy or she would never regain the use of her leg again. It killed him to have to watch his once so athletic and active child become wheelchair bound. She had, had so much going for her. Such a bright future.

Paige had complied with the doctor's orders for all of a week and then in a fit of rage, she had hurled her walker across the room and terrified the staff at the Michigan hospital. She had been removed by security guards and told to never enter the premises again.

Later that same night, she had called home and asked her father to come and get her. Nick had begrudgingly agreed and Paige had come back home. Nick had hoped that being home with him pushing and working with her would urge her to work hard at getting better, but it had actually seemed to make matters worse.

Paige was irritable and angry. She lashed out at anyone who suggested physical therapy. She blew up at the smallest things. One night during one of her many fights with her father, she said something terrible about her mother. Nick, whose temper was just as short as his daughter's told her that if she ever said anything like that about her mother again she would be removed from the house for good.

That fight hit Paige hard. She had loved her mother very much and hated herself for speaking ill of her deceased parent. For a few days, she had seemed to be trying to do better, and then the subject of therapy had come up again. Nick winced as he remembered the raging tirade that had escaped Paige's mouth at the suggestion. Paige felt that it was a waste of her time. She had a mindset that she was being punished for what she had done and that she wasn't going to get better so there was no sense in doing it. And nothing that Nick said or did could change how she felt.

That tirade had been the thing that led Nick here to this door in hopes of helping his only child. His hand trembled as he reached for the door knob and turned the cold metal.

This had to work. It was his last chance to help his daughter.

As Nick entered the room, his attention was caught by the beautiful dark-haired woman working with the older woman in the corner of the room. He stood for countless minutes watching as she moved the frail limbs of the woman with gentleness and caring. Her hands seemed to float over the gnarled hands and feet of the old woman. Nick watched as she whispered encouraging words to the woman until she could bend her leg at the angle she needed.

As much as it still bothered him, Nick knew he had come to the right place. Those gentle hands would heal his daughter, he was sure of it. If anybody could reach his Paige, it was the brunette with the healing hands.

Emily Fields.

He knew it would be almost impossible to convince her to help Paige, but somehow, some way, he had to do it.

For his daughter's sake.


	2. You Can't Always Get What You Want

_"It was amazing, really, just how much pain the human heart could take."_

* * *

Emily finished the round of exercises on Mrs. Carlisle and turned to gather the necessary materials to re-bandage the woman's surgical incision. Her knees turned rubbery the moment she saw the man standing just inside the door. The brown eyes that were watching her intently were an exact replica of the ones that had spoken of love to her and then ripped her heart to shreds.

Nick McCuller's.

Paige's father.

Taking a deep breath, she turned back to Mrs. Carlisle and quickly dressed the incision and gave her instructions for exercises to do until she returned for her next session. Emily helped the elderly woman into her wheelchair and pushed her toward the door, where she was met by Mr. Carlisle. Emily watched as the older man brushed a gentle kiss on his wife's forehead and with a smile at Emily. He then took the wheelchair handles and propelled his wife into the hallway, leaving Emily alone with the one man Emily could not stand to be around, Nick McCuller's. Honestly she'd rather be trapped in a room alone with Noel Kahn for a week.

Nick spoke first in a voice that seemed tired and defeated, "Hello Emily. How have you been?"

"I'm fine, Mr. McCuller's and how are you?" Emily asked in a voice that trembled slightly. Nick knew she wanted to ask about Paige but also knew that she was too proud to do it.

"I'm fine. Paige is home now. She's having a hard time recovering from the accident."

"I heard about that." Emily said softly. Of course she had heard about it. The moment Spencer had called her with the news, it had taken everything in Emily to not get on the next flight to Michigan. Shaking the memory off she spoke again, "I hope things work out for her."

"I hope so too Emily. In fact that's why I'm here today."

Emily watched Nick with shadowed eyes, almost afraid of what he would say.

"Emily, I need your help." Nick began in a tortured and pleading voice.

"Mr. McCuller's… please don't ask me to see Paige. I can't handle that."

"I need you to do more than see her, Emily. I need your professional services." he murmured.

Emily caught her breath and turned away from Mr. McCuller's shielding her pain filled eyes from his gaze.

"No. I can't do it." she stated firmly.

"Emily, just listen to me for a minute... please." asked Nick in a pleading voice. "I have nobody else to turn to. You must know this, I would not be standing here in front of you asking, yet alone pleading with you to help my daughter."

Emily's eyes widened at the straightforwardness of this man. Definately a McCuller's trait she thought to herself before speaking.

"Look I have things to get to.." she tried but the man continued to talk.

"I have tried everything. I tried to get her in with at least a dozen physical therapists and she has either hated every one of them or scared them off by throwing something. I have even tried myself.. working with her that is. I thought maybe I could push her.. "

Any sympathy Emily was feeling began to dissipate as she started harden her heart to this man.

"Mr. McCuller's." Emily interrupted obviously frustrated. "I may not have not been in Paige's life for the last 4 years but I think we both know she does not need you pushing her in anything anymore." The dark-haired woman's eyes grew even darker once they connected with his. "You have pushed her enough to last a lifetime."

"Emily!" the man reprimanded as his face turned an angry red. "You and I may not have had the best relationship but you do not have a right to speak to me that way. Paige is my daughter!"

"Exactly!" Emily's hands began to shake as she finally stood up to this man. "Around the time Paige and I had first gotten together, after one of your many fights she told me that she knows you love her, but that she felt more like she was your trophy than your daughter. Like you loved her the way she loved her swim medals." Emily's eyes burning holes in the man as she spoke.

Nick hung his head shamefully at this bit of information. "She really said that?"

"Yes she did." Emily replied as she watched the older man show something she had never seen in him before.. disgusted in himself. "She's not a trophy Mr. McCuller's. She is your daughter. You should probably begin to treat her as such."

"Look Emily, I am not blind to the fact that I failed her as a father. I know I messed up more times than I can count.. but I only ever did what I thought was best for her." He looked up his face having softened from what it was just moments earlier, "I know I will never be able to make up for a large majority of things... but I am here now... trying." His eyes connected with hers once more. "She is hurting Emily and I do not know what to do anymore."

Paige was suffering evidently and Emily couldn't stand by and watch it happen.

"Okay. I'll listen, but I'm not promising anything. You've got ten minutes before my next appointment."

"Thank you Emily. I can honestly say I never thought you would have gone into Physical Therapy." Nick said with a tiny smile.

"Well I kind of surprised myself too. I think Hannah's car accident years ago steered me in this direction. I love my work." she said with a light shining in her dark eyes.

"I can see that," said Nick with a grin. "Now, as you know, Paige was severely injured in that accident a month ago. Since then, she has had three surgeries and the last surgeon told her she would need to have continuous therapy if she wanted to regain the use of her leg." Nick paused watching Emily's face. "She started therapy in Michigan and managed to get herself thrown out of the hospital. She's now at home and not coping with this at all."

"I'm sorry about all of this Mr. McCuller's, but I just do not think..."

"Emily wait, just listen to me for another few minutes. If Paige doesn't have the therapy she will never walk without aid again. She's using a walker now and it drives her crazy. She's become so embittered and withdrawn that she spends all of her time in her room. She snaps and snarls at everyone who comes near."

Emily opened her mouth to say something and then closed it as she saw tears swim in Nick's eyes.

"Emily, this is killing me. This is killing Paige. I see her grieving every day and there is not a damn thing I can do about it." Nick finished with a tone of rage in his voice.

"Mr. McCuller's, I'm really sorry... but..."

"Emily...since her mother passed on you have been the only person she has ever let in. I really believe you are the only one who can reach her. She's ill-tempered, arrogant and demanding. I've read about your work and know that you have had success with the most difficult patients. I have to ask you, will you please just try to help her?"

Emily laughed to herself. The only person she ever let in? If it had not hurt so bad she would have found that comment hilarious. What about Harper?! Paige had certainly 'let her in'.

Taking a deep breath she leaned against the counter. She had known that question was coming but still had not been ready for the reality of it. Her heart thundered in her head as she thought of becoming Paige's Physical Therapist. She couldn't do this. No matter how much she wanted to help Paige. She couldn't be that close to her again. She couldn't subject herself to all the pain again.

"No, I'm sorry, but I can't do it." the sadness clear in her voice.


	3. You Gotta Go There to Come Back

_"People think that if you love somebody hard enough then everything is just gonna work out. People are wrong."_

* * *

Emily felt her heart break as she watched the slump of Paige's father's shoulders and the tears that filled his eyes. This was a side of the man she had never seen.

"Mr. McCuller's..."

He quickly swiped a hand across his face and took a deep breath.

"No it is fine. I knew it was too much to ask, but I had to at least try." he looked up at her one last time. "Take care of yourself Ms. Fields."

Emily watched with tears filling her eyes as he made his way silently out of the room with the dejected air of a parent whose last hope to help a child had just vanished. Her hand lifted to stop him and tell him she would do it and then it fell limp to her side as she realized she couldn't make that promise. She had to stay away from Paige for her own sake.

* * *

Emily continued with her appointments for the day with a heavy heart. She could not help but feel guilty for refusing to help Paige. Despite everything that had happened between them, Emily still loved her. She still held onto things she knew she should not have.

Late that afternoon the door to the therapy room opened and a beautiful blonde appeared around the side. Emily smiled as she recognized Renee Bennett, the head of pediatrics.

"How about we get some dinner before you head home?" Renee asked with a smile. Emily nodded in agreement. Renee was a lot of fun and she was the first person she felt comfortable with since Paige.

"I'll get out of this lab coat and be back in ten minutes," Renee said with a quick glance over Emily, dark pants and white close fitting top. "You look gorgeous by the way."

Emily smiled. She was good for her soul. "See you in ten," she said with a wave as Renee pulled back out of the door.

She felt a lightness in her heart that hadn't been there in a long time. Renee was good for her. She made her laugh and feel alive again. Smiling to herself she could not help but think maybe there was a chance for them.

Dinner was great. They stopped at a small diner on the outskirts of town and had huge burgers and fries. Renee laughed with delight at Emily as she tried to eat the huge burger and prevent the dressings from dripping down her chin. Emily actually found herself laughing along with her and having a wonderful time.

The spring air was warm and sweet-smelling as they made their way into the parking lot to their cars. Renee propped her long lean body against the hood of her silver BMW and folded her arms across her chest as she studied Emily.

"I have a kindergarten class coming for a tour of pediatrics tomorrow. Is it okay if I swing them by PT to check out the things you do for the patients?" Renee asked in a slow husky voice.

"Sure. I'll be there all day. You know I love the little ones." Emily said with a smile. Her smile slid away and her heart picked up in speed as Renee reached out and pulled her into her arms.

"I've wanted to do this all night." she whispered just before her soft lips caressed Emily's with nibbling kisses.

Emily lifted her arms and encircled her neck, doing her best to respond and push Paige from her thoughts. Yet all she could do was remember the feel of Paige's lips on hers. Tears filled her eyes in frustration. Would Paige ever be out of her mind and heart?

Renee moved back and looked down at Paige curiously, "Something tells me you still aren't quite ready for this." she said softly.

"I'm sorry, Renee. After Paige... I just had not dated until you. This is new for me. I know I keep asking you but please just promise to have patience with me?" Emily whispered.

"Of course Emily, I totally get it." said Renee in a soft tone. "You are worth the wait."

Emily smiled and leaned forward resting her head against Renee's, "You are too good to me."

Renee winked, "That's what all the girls say." she said with a cheesy grin

Emily just laughed as she pulled back and got into her car. Waving as she drove off, she could not help but wish that she could open her heart and let Renee in.

One day, she promised herself.

One day she would open her heart and fill it with Renee.

One day she would forget about Paige McCuller's and never look back.

* * *

The sound of twenty pairs of five year old sneakers clamored up the hallway to the Physical Therapy room. Emily smiled gently at the astonished look on the patient's faces in the room. She didn't have time to issue a warning of impending chaos before the door was opened and Renee led the children into the room like the Pied Piper. Emily couldn't stop the laugh as she watched the children file into the room imitating Renee and her swaggering walk. Two teachers waited in the background watching as Renee wove a magical spell over the kids.

"Okay, young doctors and nurses," said Renee with a wink behind her hand to Emily, "This is Emily Fields. She's the best physical therapist in the state…in the whole country… heck… in the entire universe!"

Emily laughed and swatted Renee on the arm, "Oh hush…." turning to face the kids, she was greeted by twenty pairs of inquisitive eyes. "Okay… if you have a question, please raise your hand and remain quiet and I'll answer every question you could possibly come up with."

She heard Renee chuckle behind her and turned to silence her with a fierce eyebrow lift. Renee had the children giggling as she looked outraged, zipped her lips and tossed an imaginary key into the crowd.

Emily looked at the children and gave a deep sigh and shrugged. She began answering questions and was amazed at the thoughtful questions the children came up with.

"Any last questions?" she asked a bright smile on her face as she looked around. After a moment the teachers had the children thank her before they made their way out.

"I have a question." came a voice from the doorway causing the girl to turn back around.

"Spencer!" Emily sang out.

"How have you been Em?" Spencer asked as she hugged the raven haired girl.

"I have been good." she spoke in a low way as Spencer's eyes watched her closely. "Busy." she added.

Nodding in understanding the taller woman leaned against the door frame. "Paige is home you know."

"I know."

"According to my father, Nick McCuller's actually had the balls to come ask you to help his daughter." she raised her brow questioningly at Emily, "Is that true?"

"He stopped by yesterday actually." Emily stated with a sad sigh.

"I cannot believe that man!" Spencer half yelled. "After everything he did to you and Paige... after everything Paige did to you!"

"Spence.."

"No Emily!" Spencer bellowed in a scolding voice, "He did not have any right to ask anything of you!"

"I know that Spencer.." Emily tried but her friend just kept talking.

Emily did her best not to laugh as she watched her friend go off on one of her rants while using all kinds of hand motions to help get her point across.

"Are you done now?" Emily asked trying to hide her smile.

"No!.. Wait, yes..!" Spencer cocked her head to the side, "Em, why are you looking at me like that?"

"You are a good friend to me Spencer. That's all."

"You're welcome?" Spencer said, her head still tilted slightly as she tried to read her friend.

Emily walked over to an empty spin chair and sat down. Looking up her eyes met Spencer's.

"Honestly Emily, how did it go?"

"He was different Spencer. Like a tired and broken version of himself." Emily replied looking down at the floor. "I think he even cried a little when I told him that I would not help Paige."

"You must have been seeing things Em, McCuller's do not have feelings." Spencer stated flatly.

Emily would have laughed at that statement, if hadn't hurt so much.

"I still love her." Emily spoke, sad eyes closing as she leaned her head against the wall. "I feel like helping her would be the right thing to do."

"I know you do Em.. but she does not deserve it.. she does not deserve you." sighing as she watched Emily's heartbreak appear openly across her face, "She stopped doing the right thing by you a long time ago."

"You are right Spencer, you're always right." Emily ran her hand through her hair, "Besides, even if I wanted to help, who's to say she would even want me to?"

Spencer was about to open her mouth to speak when there was a sudden noise at from behind her.

As the girls bodies shifted towards the sound, Renee poked her head in.

"Hey beautiful."

"Hey." Emily replied as a reddish hue made its way to her cheeks.

The blondes smile was ear to ear and so adorable that Emily was sure it was contagious as she could not stop her own from forming at the simple sight.

At this Spencer took the hint, "I think I'm going to head out." she looked towards Emily once more, "I'll see you Friday for dinner with Hannah and Aria?" she asked.

"Of course, I have missed you guys a lot." Emily grinned as she thought about her friends that she had not seen in some time.

"Us too Em, us too." Spencer replied before leaving.

After a moment the blonde spoke up.

"I know I should not have... but I overheard a little of what you two were discussing and was just hoping you would not mind if I put my two cents in."

Emily looked questionably at her before motioning to go on.

"I think you should help Paige."

"What! Why?" Emily asked, eyes wide and filled with confusion.

Renee gently took Emily's hands in hers and forced her to meet her eyes, "This might be the best thing for you. If you ever plan of moving on in your life without her, you are going to have to face her eventually. It seems to me that ever since whatever went down between you two happened, that you both have done everything you could to avoid each other. You can never move on as long as you have doubts about your feelings for her.. if you never get the closure you need so desperately."

"But..."

"Look Emily, I know it will be hard, but it will be worth it." Renee hesitated and Emily saw a deep look enter the blonde woman's eyes. "If doing it for yourself is not enough, then do it for me, Emily. We have known each other for a year now.. we have been dating for two months.. and you still can't get her off your mind.. I have to know if I will ever have a chance with you."

"You are with me." Emily tried but was quickly dismissed by the look the older woman gave her.

"You know what I mean Emily."

"I've got a really busy schedule right now," Emily said softly. "Even if I figured out a way to work Paige in, she may not be receptive to the therapy. If not there is nothing I can do to help her."

Emily turned pleading eyes to Renee to find her staring at her feet. She refused to meet her eyes.

"Something tells me she will be receptive Emily."


	4. Lifetime Piling Up

_"The hardest mile I ever walked was the one away from you."_

* * *

Emily reached out and cupped Renee's cheek in her palm. Renee closed her eyes and leaned into her touch savoring the softness of her hand.

Emily wished so badly she could commit to Renee at this very moment, but she knew the other woman was right and that she had to settle things with Paige first. Maybe this was for the best. She would see Paige and help her recover the use of her leg and then she would be ready to move on with Renee.

"Alright, I'll do it. For you." she whispered. "But on one condition."

Renee smiled and bent to brush her lips softly against Emily's. "Which is?"

"You cannot going walking out of my life completely." Emily said in all seriousness.

Renee slid her arms around her waist and pulled her tighter to her body, "You just try to kick me out, Fields. I'm here for the long haul. Whether it be as your girlfriend or friend, I'll be here."

"I don't know what I have done to deserve you," said Emily as she hung her head, "I'm sorry you have to put up with all of this."

"Don't look away." teased Renee.

Emily's eyes took on a sad look and Renee realized she had entered into territory that she wasn't comfortable discussing.

Renee smiled and gave her a squeeze before moving away from her and heading out of the room. Emily listened to the sound of her voice as she teased the children and the sounds of their laughter as it faded down the hall. She peeked out the door and saw her leading the band of giggling children down the hall with a swaggering gait.

She shook her head and sighed. Renee Bennett was one in a million and she was lucky to have her in her life. Her smile faded as she realized that only one thing was missing with Renee.

That all-consuming feeling of love and passion that she had shared with only one person in her life.

* * *

Dinner at the McCuller's house that night was a wild and raucous affair. Paige's father had asked his brother Sam and his family to join them and their son Evan was so wired from his field trip to the hospital that he was not able to sit still for five seconds. He was laughing and talking about the stories of what he had seen and done during his exciting day.

Paige sat morosely, staring at her plate and clenching her teeth to keep from yelling for the boy to be quiet. Her nerves were stretched to the breaking point and she didn't know how much longer she could take their incessant chatter.

"How was your field trip today?" Paige's aunt asked her son as she slid some peas on his plate.

"I met the best therapist in the WHOLE universe!" boasted the boy.

"Is that so." Paige's Aunt Heather smiled down at her son, "Did she tell you guys what exactly it is she does?"

"She fixes people when they get hurt." Evan had a lopsided grin on his face as he showed off all that he had learned.

"Oh! I think you meant to say she is a physical therapist." Heather corrected as Nick McCuller's attention suddenly shot to the boy.

Paige pushed her chair back and reached for the walker to leave the room when the words that left Evan's mouth stopped her cold.

"Yeah I remember now, that's what Dr. Bennett said!" the boy squinted his eyes in a thinking way, "She had a nice name too, it was Emily!"

Heather smiled, "That is a lovely name sweetie."

"She sure is pretty too." said Evan in his calm tone.

Heather smiled at Sam, "Must have been to have caught your eye. You know how you McCuller's men are… all it takes is a pretty face and you are mush."

Sam winked at his wife and smiled, "I've got the only pretty face I want right here."

"Well enough about that!" asked Nick in a slow voice desperate to have a change in the conversation. "Anyone else have something they'd like to talk about?"

Paige shook her head as she watched the two of them for a second and then muttering under her breath she pulled herself up with the walker and made her way from the room. She couldn't sit there any longer listening to her Aunt and Uncle talk about their perfect love. Something that she would never have. She couldn't sit there and listen to Evan ramble about some pretty doctor named Emily Bennett when she was aching from losing her own Emily.

Emily Fields.

The thought of her brought a wave of fresh pain over Paige so strong she almost winced. She wondered if it would ever stop hurting. If she would ever be able to hear or think about her and not ache with wanting her.

She slowly made her way to the staircase aware of four pairs of eyes watching her slow progress. She heard their collective gasps when the walker slipped on the third step and she fell against the banister with a curse. She felt her father move toward her and then stop as she managed to get control and continue up the stairs.

Once inside her room, she hurled the walker against the wall and fell onto her bed.

She hated this.

Hated it with a passion.

She was nothing but a helpless cripple. She couldn't do anything without help and it was driving her nuts. She wanted to be able to teach Evan to swim like she had promised him. She wanted to be able to take her jeep and drive around town in hopes of catching a glimpse of a brunette that would make her heartbeat go into overdrive.

Paige reached toward the bedside table and withdrew a worn, dog-eared photo of Emily. It had been taken when they were at the beach one time. She was surrounded by sand and sitting on a bright pink towel. The sunshine was glinting off her brown hair. Her forefinger traced the delicate lines of her face and she could have sworn she could feel the warmth and softness of her skin.

Her finger continued to trace the face in the photo until she smoothed it over her full lower lip. She wished with all her heart that she could taste those lips just one more time. That she could feel her body pressed against her own and know that Emily wanted her as much as she wanted her.

Her voice was almost silent as she breathed the name she had called her when they were dating.

"Emily."

* * *

The next afternoon Paige lounged on the sofa, watching an old movie on television and savoring the quiet of the house.

Her father had once again tried to convince her that she needed to have physical therapy if she ever wanted to be able to walk again, that was until Paige had snapped and told him it was no use. That she knew in her heart she would never regain use of her leg. That it was her punishment for the things she had done to Emily.

Finding her mind wandering, she clicked the television off and lay back on the sofa, letting the memories take over her brain. She relaxed as she remembered the few times she and Emily had been here in this house. It didn't seem fair that they had not had more time together before she had allowed herself to separate them forever. Her teeth clenched at the memory of Emily begging her to tell her it was all some sort of sick joke. As much as Paige wanted to... she couldn't. It wasn't fair… it just wasn't fair! She didn't know the whole story.

Uttering a curse under her breath she realized she didn't have to worry about it any longer. No woman would ever want a cripple and that name fit her perfectly. What woman in her right mind would get involved with someone like her who needed constant care? A woman who couldn't even stand on her own two feet or handle a job.

Cursing violently, Paige did what she had done best the last few weeks. She hurled the remote control against the door and watched as it shattered into pieces and slide down the wall.

Emily parked her car in front of the McCuller's house and sat quietly trying to slow the rapid beat of her heart. Her hands trembled and she clasped the steering wheel tighter, knowing she had to get control of herself before entering that house.

Taking deep breaths, she practiced the method she preached to her patients and felt herself begin to come under control. She left the safety of the car and stood staring up at the house she loved like her own. She remembered being in the backyard by the pool with Paige telling her that she had been looking for somebody and came to Paige. She remembered sitting on the swing off to the side of the house when Paige had said she loved her for the first time. The sweet tender kisses on that front porch and then the memories faded to be replaced with the horrid images of Harper in that house with Paige. Of Harper always clinging to Paige. Paige always running off at the moment Harper would say she needed her.

Shaking off the horrible images, Emily moved to the front porch and stood for several moments as she shivered with the knowledge that just beyond that door was the woman who had broken her heart. The only woman she had ever loved.

As Emily raised her hand to knock on the door, she was startled by the sound of something hitting the door forcefully and then the unmistakable sound of the object shattering into pieces.

She stood for several moments wondering if she could actually do this, then the image of Renee flashed in her head and she knew she had no choice. She had made a promise to Renee and herself and she never broke a promise.

She knocked loudly on the door and waited… her heart in her throat.

Paige swore as she heard the knock on the door. Maybe if she ignored it the person would just go away. She lay back on the sofa, with her forearm flung over her eyes and then cursed again as the knock sounded again and again.

Reaching for the walker within arms length of the sofa, she pulled herself up cursing her useless leg and arm. Using this thing was one of the hardest things she had ever done. It would have been so much easier to give up and sit in a wheelchair, but she couldn't do that. She couldn't bring herself to give up fully.

Slowly she made her way across the room and flung open the door. Her eyes connected with a pair of dark brown ones that had the ability to make her knees weak. Her hands tightened on the walker.

Emily.

Her Emily.

She was here.

Not two feet in front of her.

All she had to do was reach out and she could touch her.

She tried to walk closer, her weak leg almost caused her to fall over and the reality of her situation hit her in the stomach.

She felt bile rise in her throat as she realized that Emily was standing here looking at her in this condition.

Seeing the leg that wouldn't support her weight.

Seeing the cripple she had become.

Her stomach twisted with revulsion and embarrassment.

She did the only thing she knew to do.

The only thing she had done for weeks.

The only thing that managed to save her pride.

"What the hell do you want?" she snapped with fire flashing from her hooded brown ones.


	5. With Arms Outstretched

_"Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out. Then after a while, I won't have to think about how great and perfect I had it once."_

* * *

Emily recoiled from the venom in Paige's voice and moved back a step, her eyes wandering down over her weak leg that wouldn't support her weight.

"Well are you going to answer me or just stand there and stare!" Paige raged. "Here to see the town cripple? To offer your condolences to my family?"

Emily stood silently not sure how to take this Paige. She had seen angry Paige before, the girl had even tried to drown her once.. but she had never seen the rage and pain that filled her dark eyes like it did now. She could feel the tension vibrating in Paige's body and she was actually afraid of her for a minute.

Uttering a vile curse, Paige turned to move back from the door and reached out to slam it in Emily's face. The two movements combined were too much for her weak body and she crumpled to the floor, the pain clear in her face.

Emily stood uncertainly in the doorway, watching Paige struggle to get to her feet. Her weak left leg refused to give her enough support to lever her body to an upright position. Emily slowly moved into the room and closed the door behind her still watching Paige's struggle.

She winced at the words that seemed to be blazing from her mouth.

Emily stood with her arms crossed, watching Paige struggle. She knew better than to offer help at this point. It was best if she let her realize she couldn't do this by herself before she stepped in.

After several minutes, she saw the fight beginning to wear on her and saw the perspiration beading her forehead. It was time for her to make an offer.

"If you are finished with your temper tantrum, I'll help you get back to the sofa." she said clearly frustrated with the other woman's behavior.

Paige's eyes flashed with rage as they met hers. "You!? That's hilarious Emily. You might weigh one hundred pounds soaking wet and as we both have seen I am in no place to help you. You could never lift me." Paige scoffed with disdain lacing her voice.

Emily moved over to stand in front of Paige as she lay sprawled on the floor. Taking a deep breath, she bent at the knees and slid her arms around the woman's chest. Her breath caught in her throat at the sweet, heavenly scent of her. Her skin was warm and damp from perspiration. Her breath was raspy as it met her cheek.

Paige felt her body tense under Emily's hands. Her eyes closed for a minute as she savored the feel of her small hands on her sides and then her back as they slid like butterfly wings around her body.

Her voice caressed her ear as she spoke softly, "Brace your right hand on the table Paige and use it to help me lift you so that you can get your right leg under your body to support your weight."

Paige hesitated briefly and then did as she instructed. Within minutes she was sitting on the sofa with a stunned look in her dark eyes. Emily smiled and stepped back to watch her with a deep chocolate gaze.

"Well… that's just wonderful. A little thing like you has to help the cripple up onto the sofa. Ain't life wonderful?" she rasped in a harsh voice.

Emily took a deep breath to calm her ragged heartbeat and stepped further away from the sofa. The feel of Paige's body on her hands was still tingling along her nerve endings.

"It's my job, Paige. I'm used to helping people." she spoke softly, her eyes not quite meeting the blonde's.

"Your job? What are you talking about, Emily?" she snapped.

"I'm a Physical Therapist at the hospital." she stated. She watched as rage filled the other girls eyes and she stepped back another step.

"Damn! I've told my father that I won't have therapy. It's no use." She raged.

"You father did come to see me, but I decided on my own that I had to try to help you."

"Well why would you decide something like that Field's?" Paige asked still showing obvious rage and anger.

"Because it's the right thing to do Paige." Emily locked eyes with Paige, "I can't let what happened between us keep me from doing things anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean Emily?" Paige questioned doing her best to continue to come off angry and not hurt by the words the girl had just spoken.

"Look Paige, you need help and honestly at this point, I'm your best bet."

A light seemed to come on in Paige's eyes and Emily shivered as that dark gaze slid over her body.

"I get it now. You're the one..." Paige clamped her lips shut.

"What? You were going to say something?" asked Emily.

"Nothing. Evan just came over for dinner last night after a visit to the hospital and was gushing over some doctor that could work miracles." she lied.

Emily shrugged, "I can't work miracles unless the patient is willing to do her part. So what will it be, Paige. Will you let me try to help you?" she said her brown eyes finally meeting Paige's lightening ones.

Paige gulped as she felt the impact of those eyes to her very soul. She couldn't seem to tear her gaze away from the depths of Emily's either and Paige could feel herself drowning.

Her mind flashed to the hurt look in her Aunt's eyes this morning when she had railed at her for some stupid little thing.

She remembered the pain in her father's eyes when she had refused therapy once again and finally she remembered the confusion and terror in the pair of eyes as she had yelled at her little cousin for making too much noise.

Her voice was soft as she said hesitantly, "I'm not going to the hospital. I can't bear to have everyone looking at me with pity in their eyes."

Emily swallowed the tears that threatened to close her throat. She was going to let her help her.

"You won't have to. I can come here in the afternoons. I have a block of time free that can be devoted to you."

"If you think it's not working, I want you to promise and tell me immediately," Paige whispered in a tortured voice. "I can't let everybody, especially my dad think I'm getting better when there is no hope."

Emily wiped her hand down the leg of her khaki slacks and extended it toward Paige.

"I promise to tell you truth if you promise to cooperate with me fully. No holding back, Paige. You have to give 200% to this."

Paige sat with a scowl on her face staring at the delicate hand extended toward her. Slowly her arm lifted and she felt Emily's slide against her flesh. Her fingers were cold as they clasped her own and she curled her own warm ones around them.

Emily felt the contact of their hands to the souls of her feet. Her heartbeat picked up in speed and her breath rasped in her throat. Paige's skin felt rough and abrasive against the silken skin of her palm and the contrast was delicious.

Paige cursed under her breath as she felt the effect holding her hand had on her traitorous body. Her breath was shallow as she felt the silken skin of her fingers as they closed around her hand.

Taking a deep breath, she pumped her hand a couple of times and then slowly withdrew her hand, leaving a trail of fire running up her arm from the brush of Paige's fingers across her palm.

Her breath caught and she stared into Emily's eyes wondering if she was feeling the same things she was feeling. Paige dropped her gaze and they fell on the arm resting limply on the leg that was useless and she squashed any idea that Emily might still have feelings for her.

She wasn't the woman she use to be.

She had nothing to offer her.

The sound of the door in the kitchen opening and running feet drew Paige and Emily's attention away from each other. Emily glanced up to see Nick trying to herd his rambunctious little nephew into the living room in some semblance of order.

Evan skidded to a stop in front of the sofa, his huge eyes going from Paige sitting on the sofa to the brown-haired girl standing in front of him.

"Hi." whispered Evan reverently, his eyes never leaving Emily's face.

"Well hey there." said Emily with a smile and a tousled of his blonde hair. "I knew when I saw you the other day that you looked familiar little man."

Paige grinned for the first time in months as she watched the silly look of absolute adoration creep over her little cousins face. Evan was developing a huge crush on Emily. Paige's eyes swung back to her and she watched as she gently talked to the boy. She was wonderful with him, answering all his questions patiently. Paige swore softly under her breath as she realized how unbearable she had been to everyone since the accident.

Her eyes found her father's and she saw her gaze fill with tears as she offered him a silent smile of apology. Nick moved across the room and perched on the arm of the sofa. Paige stiffened momentarily as her father encircled her shoulders and then with a sigh, she allowed herself to relax and enjoy the comfort of his touch.

Mr. McCuller's just smiled at Evan and his antics as he tried to impress the pretty visitor in their household.

Leaning closer to Paige he whispered, "Looks like Ms. Field's has a new admirer."

Paige allowed a small rusty sounding chuckle to emerge and said, "Can't say I blame…" Her words trailed off and Nick watched as the shutters rose over his daughters eyes. His heart broke for his only child. He could see the agony and despair in her warm brown eyes and there was nothing he could do about it. As much as it had previously bothered him, he knew that until she was whole again, she would never be the girl he once knew. His hand tightened on Paige shoulder for a moment and he felt the girls body shudder in pain.

"It's going to be okay, Paige."

Paige looked up into her father's eyes and wished with all her heart she could believe that, but she knew in her gut that it would never be okay again. She wouldn't ever be a whole person again and she would never be able to fight for Emily's love. She deserved so much more than a cripple.

A cripple.

The thought lanced through her mind with the fire of a hot poker. She was a damn cripple. Nothing more.

She shrugged off the gentle touch of her father and rose to stand with the aid of the walker.

"I'm going to my room. Just let my dad know the schedule and I'll be here..." she laughed harshly, "Hell yeah, I'll be here. Where else can a cripple go?"

With that terse statement, she hobbled up the stairs and slammed the door to her room.

Nick glanced at Emily and saw the confused look in the younger woman's eyes. He quickly herded Evan into the kitchen with the promise of chocolate milk.

Moments later he returned and catching Emily completely off guard, pulled the girl into a tight hug. Letting go he mumbled, "Thank you so much, Emily. I know you will be able to get through to her."

Still taken back by the sudden act of kindness from the man she spoke, "I hope so, but I really have my doubts. She's very bitter and it's going to take a lot of work."

"I know. She's so hurt and confused now. She is convinced that she will be like this for the rest of her life."

"Mr. McCuller's, I have read all the doctor's reports. There is no reason that Paige can't regain complete use of her leg if she works with me."

"I know. It's just a matter of getting her mental state right." the man responded. "That's always been a problem for her, even in swimming."

"Yeah.." Emily didn't agree with him but didn't want another argument, "I also think Paige needs to learn that even though she will regain the use of her leg there are lots of people in the world who don't have those luxuries and they are not the embittered souls she has let herself become. I know it's too early now, but I'm really hoping that after a few sessions here, she will consent to come to the hospital. I have a few patients I would love for her to meet."

Nick nodded his head in agreement, "Anything you think will help. I'm just so glad you decided to take up my offer."

"Well, I couldn't just let her stay this way sir."

Evan came barreling back into the living room closely followed by his mother who had just arrived. The boy was wearing a milk mustache and cookie crumbs. Heather watched as her googly-eyed son stood mesmerized without saying a word.

Emily felt color creep up her face at the intense look of the little boy.

"Sorry. He's just smitten it seems. You have a new admirer." the woman laughed.

Nick waved his hand in front of Evan's face and looked from his nephew to Emily. The man began to laugh, "I guess it's a McCuller's thing."

This was not the Nick McCuller's she had known all those years ago. She could still see bits and pieces of the old him, but he had certainly changed and for the better. Emily let out a scattered giggle as she felt her heart breaking. Paige didn't love her anymore, she hadn't loved her for a very long time.

Evan just continued to stand and stare at the beauty that had stolen his young heart.

* * *

Upstairs, Paige's body stiffened at the sound of Emily's laughter mixing with her family's. She would have loved to be there with them now and see her face as she laughed, but she couldn't.

It was too painful.

It reminded her of things she would never have.


	6. The Same Deep Water as You

_"It's one things to say you're gonna let go. It's another to actually do it... to loosen your grip and let yourself fall."  
_

* * *

Paige nervously drummed her fingers on the end table as she sat on the sofa awaiting the knock that would signal Emily's arrival. Today was her first day in therapy and she was irritable and nervous. She hoped her true feelings for her wouldn't show the minute she put those soft hands on her skin.

She was startled at the light knock on the front door and clearing her, she throat called out for Emily to come in. Her eyes skimmed over the girls dark pants and pastel top that was covered partially by a scrub jacket. Her hair was scooped back into a ponytail that brushed her shoulders as she walked. Paige's hands clenched as she realized she would give anything to feel that silky hair in her palms again.

Emily placed the huge canvas tote bag on the floor and moved closer to the sofa, her eyes taking in the fact that she had dressed as she had suggested in soft shorts and one of her Michigan swim tee-shirts. Her eyes took note of the muscle tone in both of Paige's arms and legs. It shouldn't be too hard to have the girls leg active again.

"Are you ready?" she asked softly with a slight tremor in her voice.

"Sure." Paige spoke, "How are we going to do this? Me lying on the sofa or what."

Emily laughed. "First, let's just test your muscle resistance and a few other things."

Paige actually smiled at her for the first time since she had arrived and she felt her heart jump into her throat. This was going to be harder than she had thought.

Smoothing her hands down the legs of her pants, Emily moved closer to stand near Paige's left side. Her hands were cold when they reached for her leg and Paige jumped slightly.

"I'm sorry. I tend to have cold hands at the beginning." Emily rasped in a husky voice. Her fingers were feeling anything but cold from the warmth of Paige's skin. Her hands quickly assessed the muscle tone in her leg and down to her knee. "Can you straighten your knee for me?" she asked.

Paige fought the nausea that rose in her throat when she was barely able to move her leg.

"Damn!" she burst out causing Emily to jump. "I can already see this will be a waste of time. I have almost no use of this damn leg! Nothing is going to help."

Emily sighed and moved her hand away from Paige's leg, "Paige, this is not going to happen in a day or even a week or even a month. It will take months of constant hard work by you to make this happen. It's all a question of how bad you want it."

Paige's eyes darkened as they swung to hers and Emily caught her breath as they blazed with a moment of passion before Paige quickly shuttered them. "I want it, Emily. I want it really bad." she whispered in a tone that left Emily shivering and wondering just what it was she wanted.

Clearing her throat she requested that she lie down on the sofa on her back with her left leg to the outside. Her eyes took in the lean body as she slithered down to lie full length on the sofa. She could see the scars from her surgery outlined on her knee and thigh. Her throat ached as she realized how much pain she must have been in.

Paige watched as Emily bent over her body and her hands settled on her knee causing her body to tense. Her eyes swept over the dark brown hair that swung forward to hide her face as her hands prodded the muscle of her knee and then moved slowly onto her thigh.

Paige gritted her teeth at the feel of her silken hands on her upper leg. The feel of her fingers moving smoothly over the coarse scars that surrounded her leg was almost more than she could take. She tried to force her thoughts to safer subjects with no success. Her breath was becoming ragged and harsh as her fingers cupped her upper thigh and pressed into the yielding muscle. She could feel a certain area of her body responding to her touch and she knew it was only a matter of time before Emily noticed it too.

Closing her eyes, Paige breathed quickly trying to prevent herself from moaning and smiled when she saw a deep blush cover Emily's cheeks. She knew exactly what she was trying to do.

Emily quickly pulled her hands away from her body and turned away to remove a few sheets of paper from the tote bag.

"These are exercises you can do on your own that will help strengthen your muscle tone. They are different from the ones that I will be performing on you every other day."

"Every other day? I thought we could work on this every day."

"No, Paige. You can't overwork your muscles at the beginning or you will have more trouble than you have now."

"Whatever you say Em." she smiled at Emily, "I just want to see some results." she stated.

Emily sighed. This was going to be a difficult road. Paige would no doubt expect immediate results and she was going to have a hard time accepting that it was going to take time.

"Just be sure and remember that you won't see immediate results," she said softly as she moved back to the sofa and picked Paige's leg up with gentle hands to begin the exercises.

After several minutes she heard a hiss and turned to see Paige's face white with pain and her teeth clenched on her lower lip drawing a spot of blood.

"I'm sorry, Paige. I know it hurts like hell, but sometimes when you first begin to use muscles again it is very painful. The more we work, the better it will get. I suggest you take a long soak in your hot tub as soon as I leave."

Paige nodded, her eyes never leaving Emily's face. Paige knew in her heart that as long as she could watch Emily's beautiful eyes, she could survive any pain.

Emily continued the exercises for several minutes before requesting Paige sit up so she could work on her knee. Paige slid her legs over the edge of the sofa and spread her knees as she stepped between them. Her breath caught on a gasp as the scent of Emily's hair invaded her mind. Her eyes were on level with her breasts and she struggled to concentrate on what she was telling her about the exercise.

Emily glanced at Paige and saw fire in her dark eyes and for a moment she was lost in those brown depths. Her breath was held as Paige's hand slid around her waist to pull her closer between her thighs. Paige's eyes were intent on her mouth and Emily felt a shiver course down her spine.

Paige was going to kiss her.

She could feel it in her very soul.

Her tongue slid out to moisten her lower lip and she watched as Paige's dark eyes flared at the innocent movement. Electricity coursed down her spine as the Paige's hand moved slowly up to her neck to grasp the back of her head. The roughness of her fingers caught and tangled in her hair as she watched her eyes with an intense gaze.

Using the gentlest pressure, she began to pull her head down toward her own. Paige could feel her sweet breath on her mouth, smell the minty scent of her breath... almost taste the sweetness she knew waited for her…

"Hey, Emily!" shouted Evan as he came barreling through the kitchen door.


End file.
